Speed Dating experiential feature - 14/02/12

As internet dating sites take over the match-making scene, has speed dating lost its sparkle?

With only a week to go until Valentine's Day, as one of an increasing number of single girls in London, Deni Kirkova decided to give speed dating a go in the hope she might snap up a date in time.

Aside from meeting past boyfriends in the conventional way, by chance, I'd tried the online thing, been set up with a friend of a friend, and even gone on a blind date – all of these were fruitless and cringeworthy processes. There was never any chemistry. There's nothing worse than having to spend an hour and a half in a romantic setting with someone you find unattractive or boring, so the proposition of going to a buzzing club with a friend and spending three minutes with each date seemed like a no-nonsense time-saver. The girls sit and the guys rotate. Like a conveyor belt, yes.

'SpeedDating' was originally devised to help Jewish singles meet and marry, since then developing into a widespread commercial business. It only kicked off a decade ago in San Francisco and quickly spread to the UK. Danielle Waller, events manager at SpeedDater, the country’s largest singles events company, knows why with increasing competition and decreasing hype, speed dating is still hugely popular. “Nothing beats face to face meetings to work out instantly if there is attraction and chemistry or not. When you are there in real life, there’s no hiding. Our UK numbers have remained steady,” she said. Office of National Statistics figures reveal the number of single women in the UK has risen to an all-time high of 5.5 million and marriage rates are at an all-time low with only about of 2% of singletons marrying last year. The SpeedDater website has a long list of success stories. Cathy from Belfast posted: “Well John and I meet in August 2005 at a speed date… ten months later we were living together. Then baby Conor arrived 9 months after that and we got around to getting married May 08.” Business is booming in big cities especially, which can be quite unfriendly. Every day thousands of people pass each other, but no one really talks or makes eye contact, and long working hours make it harder to socialise and meet potential dates.

A single girlfriend and I went down to check out a 21-31 SpeedDater event at Bond nightclub in central London on a cold, still Friday night. There was no-one standing outside. As each pair of friends approached they slipped in to the building in a quiet, private manner. What is it about the stigma of putting yourself out there on the market at a public singles event? “It's just really honest. You don't want everyone knowing you're going speed dating.” said Jackie*, 27. This perhaps is why online dating has been so successful, you don’t even need to leave the house.

On arrival each guest receives a name badge, number, and a scorecard. When a date comes round you tick one of three boxes – ‘yes’, ‘no’, or ‘friend’. I met some real characters and a lot of nondescript types working in IT. Twenty-two women and 21 men showed up so there was always a woman without a date, where the bubbly host Stefan would jump in for a gossip. I told him about the mental ticklist I devised of common behaviours that won and lost points as each guy came and left – things that can’t be sensed through a computer screen. Several guys greeted me with a weak, sweaty, wet fish handshake, which was an instant off-putter; there was a few either self-obsessed or nervous guys who talked about their career paths for the entire three minutes; and a couple of them invaded way too much personal space, moving my stuff out of the way so they could sit closer; one guy even put his hand on my leg. But a few made me laugh, had natural charm, or just had sparkly eyes and a nice smile. These generally got ‘friend’ ticks. I also gave some of them nicknames on the scorecard, which allows space for notes on each person. There was Tall and scary, Irish WEIRDO, NAH, Too full on OMG *SHOWMAN*, Indian talks a lot, Super nice headhunter, Bulgarian Net-A-Porter, No Manners!!!, Charity man <3, Polish Architect and Computers (chip shop) – he asked me to guess where he worked. Speed dating forces snap, harsh decisions about romantic compatibility, and first impressions often last forever. People can’t hide behind outdated photos and well-crafted text.

Speed dating first-timer Emily, 29, didn’t tick any yesses on the night. “It was interesting, though I wouldn’t do it again. I was exhausted by the time I saw guy number ten. The funniest icebreaker was when this guy said he just came out of prison for fraud! And I believed him... It was good fun, but I think I’ll stick to normal mingling in bars,” she said.

Becca*, 25, went speed dating in October and didn’t tick anyone: “The age bracket was 24-34 and the men were all really old. This time I ticked three… I've been single for six years travelling and living a carefree life but I would really like to meet someone now. I love [speed dating] because everyone is there to meet someone. In a club, you might meet someone and have a laugh but they're not actually looking for anything.” However, when I spoke to women and men separately and honestly about their speed dating agenda, most women were looking for a boyfriend and some of the men were really only after one thing. Women were much more selective with only two or three yesses while the men, less fussy, tended to ‘yes’ up to half of the women.

The next day I logged on to the SpeedDater website to enter my ticks and see if I had any matches. The site allows you to see who’s ticked you ‘yes’ or ‘friend’ and allows for private messaging with anyone from the night – leading to receipt of several unrequited messages from a nondescript IT type. I entered two yesses. One was for Polish Architect, who was quite tasty; light eyes, mischievous smile, hot bod. The other one was for Charity man <3; kind of young but cute with floppy hair, a bit Harry Styles. I checked out who’d ticked my yes box, all six of them, Tall and scary included. No friend ticks though, funnily enough. Neither Charity man <3 nor Polish Architect had wanted to be even just friends with me. Looks like I’ll be joining 5.5 million women at home with choccies and Bridget Jones on Tuesday.